Hi, my name is Vincent van Unen and I am a cookie-addict.

I have a confession to make. When I first came to Sydney in November I was feeling a bit uncomfortable by not having a social life. After obtaining an accommodation, which as you know was a bit of a struggle to say the least, making new friends was set as a high priority target. So after I moved in, I found myself going to gay bars in order to make new friends. Knowing that I did not have any Facebook friend requests in storage, the expression in my eyes was seemingly interpreted as lonely with a slight touch of despair. Unfortunately, this particular look, in combination with the desperate I-need-friends vibe that was irradiating from my innocent appearance did not go unnoticed by the old, disgusting so-called gay predators. Obviously, as I was going out on my own at that time, I was firstly an easy target, and secondly, was having a rather hard job ignoring them upon confrontation. Even my credits of excusing myself to go to the toilet were running out. I needed a new escape! So, I found my distraction by the smokes vending machine. Every time when a nasty old guy would approach me, I’d excuse myself to go outside for a smoke. As a biomedical scientist, this was of course just a temporary solution until I would have made some friends to go out with and whom presence would be protective. Nevertheless, my unfortunate high levels of likability factor to these men started to coincide with high levels of nicotine intake in the weekends of November and December. I luckily made quite some friends after that period of time and had therefore not touched a cigarette ever since.

However, in January I started having these weird immense cravings for cookies. I am talking about Chocolate Chip cookies, Double Chocolate Chip cookies to be completely honest, Butterscotch cookies, Peanut butter cookies, and every type of Australian TimTam biscuits in store. And for the record, I am not talking about an innocent cookie over coffee. No, I was shamelessly indulging a full package of cookies every night. I would find myself dragging my cookie-deprived body in the supermarket desperately looking for Buy One Get Two special offers. This specific longing for high-sugar content food I was enduring was something totally unknown to me. I have never experienced this feeling in the past. And a disadvantage of being gay and having many female friends is that when I come to them seeking for advice and guidance through my self-destructive path of cookie addiction, they’d tell me: ‘’I know what you mean. I always have these cravings when I am having my period. Or maybe you just are being pregnant!?'' Very helpful, girls. I don’t even have to think about approaching my male friends on this matter. Coming from a gay man, I think it would be very gay stereotypical to ask them while tossing around a rugby ball: ‘’So guys, I am going through this weird phase in which I am eating a lot of cookies. What should I do!?’’ - By the way, not that I would ever play rugby but it made the context sound more masculine -

But before I knew it, this cookie addiction led to another. I have always been rather obsessed about the appearance of my body shape. I tend to be skinny with slight contours of a six pack pressing through my skin. A look I am very comfortable having with. However, over cookie time, these much appreciated contours were consequently being replaced by stretch marks of belly fat. This was totally unacceptable to me. Therefore, I said to myself: ‘’Ok, enjoy your cookies. I know it’s just a temporary phase. However, at least do some damage controls by working-out.’’ I started running 10 km every time the cookie was being stronger than me, which was practically every day. As a result, this made me aside from my need for cookies, also a complete endorphin junkie.

I sat on the porch last night being cranky because I did not go for a run that day, was actively suppressing my cravings for cookies, while wrongfully enjoying the smell of cigarette smoke my housemate was exhaling.

p.s. On the bright side, I haven't been drinking much lately!